Joan was quizzical, studied pataphysical 
Science in the home 
Late nights all alone with a test-tube 
Ohh-oh-oh-oh... 
Maxwell Edison majoring in medicine 
Calls her on the phone 
"Can I take you out to the pictures 
Joa-oa-oa-oan?" 
But as she's getting ready to go 
A knock comes on the door... 
 
Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer 
Came down upon her head 
Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer 
Made sure that she was dead 
 
Back in school again Maxwell plays the fool again 
Teacher gets annoyed 
Wishing to avoid an unpleasant sce-e-e-ene 
She tells Max to stay when the class has gone away 
So he waits behind 
Writing 50 times "I must not be so-o-o-oo..." 
But when she turns her back on the boy 
He creeps up from behind 
 
Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer 
Came down upon her head 
Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer 
Made sure that she was dead 
 
P.C. Thirty-One said "we caught a dirty one" 
Maxwell stands alone 
Painting testimonial pictures ohh-oh-oh-oh 
Rose and Valerie screaming from the gallery 
Say he must go free (Maxwell must go free) 
The judge does not agree and he tells them so-o-o-oo 
But as the words are leaving his lips 
A noise comes from behind 
 
Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer 
Came down upon his head 
Bang, Bang, Maxwell's silver hammer 
Made sure that he was dead