Phil Dunphy, a character from Modern Family has collected his thoughts and life lessons into a fictitious book from the series called "Phil's-osophy" 
* Always look people in the eye. Even if they're blind. Just say, "I'm looking you in the eye." 
* If you get pulled over for speeding, tell the policeman your spouse has diarrhea. 
* You only get one chance at a first impressions. I suggest Julia Child because it's easy to do. Save the giblets! 
* The most amazing things that can happen to a human being will happen to you if you just lower your expectations. 
* Dance until your feet hurt. Sing until your lungs hurt. Act until you're William Hurt. 
* Take a lesson from parakeets. If you're ever feeling lonely, just eat in front of a mirror. 
* Never be afraid to reach for the stars, because even if you fall, you'll always be wearing a Parentchute (tm) 
* Marry someone who looks sexy while disappointed. 
* Older black ladies make the best iced tea. 
* Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration, and 2% attention to detail. 
* You can tell a lot about a person from his biography. 
* Watch a sunrise at least once a day. 
* If you love something, set it free. Unless it's a tiger. 
* If you're ever in a jam, a crayon scrunched up under your nose makes a pretty good pretend mustache. 
* When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life will be all ike, "What?!"

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