Phil Dunphy, a character from Modern Family has collected his thoughts and life lessons into a fictitious book from the series called "Phil's-osophy"
* Always look people in the eye. Even if they're blind. Just say, "I'm looking you in the eye."
* If you get pulled over for speeding, tell the policeman your spouse has diarrhea.
* You only get one chance at a first impressions. I suggest Julia Child because it's easy to do. Save the giblets!
* The most amazing things that can happen to a human being will happen to you if you just lower your expectations.
* Dance until your feet hurt. Sing until your lungs hurt. Act until you're William Hurt.
* Take a lesson from parakeets. If you're ever feeling lonely, just eat in front of a mirror.
* Never be afraid to reach for the stars, because even if you fall, you'll always be wearing a Parentchute (tm)
* Marry someone who looks sexy while disappointed.
* Older black ladies make the best iced tea.
* Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration, and 2% attention to detail.
* You can tell a lot about a person from his biography.
* Watch a sunrise at least once a day.
* If you love something, set it free. Unless it's a tiger.
* If you're ever in a jam, a crayon scrunched up under your nose makes a pretty good pretend mustache.
* When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life will be all ike, "What?!"