The English Patient
written by Michael Ondaatje

The film is set during World War II and depicts a critically burned man, at first known only as 'the English patient', who is being looked after by Hana, a French-Canadian nurse in a ruined Italian villa. The patient is reluctant to disclose any personal information but through a series of flashbacks, viewers are allowed into his past. It is slowly revealed that he is in fact a Hungarian geographer, Count Laszlo de Almasy, who was making a map of the Sahara Desert, and whose affair with a married woman ultimately brought about his present situation. As the patient remembers more, David Caravaggio, a Canadian thief/intelligence operative, arrives at the monastery. Caravaggio lost his thumbs while being interrogated by officers of the German Afrika Korps, and he gradually reveals that it was the patient's actions that had brought about his torture.

A woman, Danielle, mistakes George for her boyfriend Neil, a man who she claims looks just like him. This intrigues George; he wants to meet Neil. Jerry is going to Florida to help his parents move. Kramer asks him to pick up some "Cubans" for him and gives him a pale blue T-shirt that says "#1 Dad." Elaine and her boyfriend see The English Patient; she absolutely hates it, and her boyfriend breaks up with her as a result. Morty finds the "#1 Dad" T-shirt and is very flattered by the "gesture" (going as far as saying that it is the nicest thing Jerry has ever done for him, much to Jerry's dismay, since he has bought him a Cadillac twice) and proudly wears his new shirt despite its small size. At his parents' exercise room, Jerry meets Izzy Mandelbaum, an 80-year-old man who cannot stand to lose. Izzy promptly challenges Jerry to a weightlifting competition ("It's go time!"), but throws his back out again and again. Kramer's Cubans arrive, but they are people, not cigars. George is obsessed with Neil to the point where he is missing out on Danielle. Jerry is back in New York, where Izzy Mandelbaum has returned to see a back specialist. It turns out that Kramer's Cubans are really Dominicans that are trying to pass off as Cuban cigar rollers; it fails spectacularly. Elaine's dislike for The English Patient alienates her from everyone. Not wishing to upset J. Peterman, she claims to have never seen the film. Her plan backfires, however, when he immediately takes steps to correct the situation by dropping everything and taking Elaine to see it. Jerry meets the rest of the Mandelbaums, all of whom are fiercely competitive and old. Izzy's son and father also injure their backs. Jerry finds work for Kramer's "Cubans" at Izzy's "Magic Pan" restaurant, rolling crepes. Elaine is eventually forced to reveal her hatred of the movie to Peterman, and in turn, is punished with a trip to Tunisia (the filming location of The English Patient), where she must live in a cave to save her job. The "Cubans" roll the crepes too tightly, causing the filling to spray out and burn customers. Kramer fears that his unemployed Dominicans, whom he educated about communism, are planning to revolt. George finally meets Neil in a hospital, after Neil was burned by a crepe; Danielle chooses Neil over George, but George gets the last laugh by pulling out his intravenous cord. Elaine's plane to Tunisia is about to play the movie Sack Lunch, but is hijacked by the angry Dominicans, who are all wearing pale blue "#1 Dad" T-shirts. They demand the movie be turned off, much to Elaine's chagrin.