I am the very model of a modern Major-General, 
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral, 
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical 
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical; 
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical, 
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical, 
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news, 
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse. 
 
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus; 
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous: 
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, 
I am the very model of a modern Major-General. 
 
I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's; 
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox, 
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus, 
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous; 
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies, 
I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes! 
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore, 
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore. 
 
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform, 
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform: 
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, 
I am the very model of a modern Major-General. 
 
In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin", 
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a Javelin, 
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at, 
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat", 
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery, 
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery 
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy 
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee. 
 
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury, 
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century; 
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, 
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

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