Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park 
Shaves in the dark trying to save paper 
Sleeps in a hole in the road 
Saving up to buy some clothes 
Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose 
Such a mean old man 
Such a mean old man 
 
His sister Shelly works in a shop 
She never stops, she's a go-getter 
Takes him out to look at the queen 
Only place that he's ever been 
Always shouts out something obscene 
Such a dirty old man 
Such a dirty old man 
 
Mean Mister Mustard 
Such a dirty dirty 
Mean Mister Mustard 
Such a dirty dirty 
Mean Mister Mustard 
 
Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park 
Shaves in the dark trying to save paper 
Sleeps in a hole in the road 
Saving up to buy some clothes 
Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose 
Such a mean old man 
Such a mean old man

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