Description

If you're texting, you're not driving. Please visit http://www.distraction.gov and don't text and drive! 
A texting rap battle for the ages.  
 
"I'm a Textpert (Rap Battle)"

Voiceover, Dialog, Spoken Text, Script, or Lyrics

Hey. 
Whatchu doin'? 
Driving. Whatchu you doing? 
Driving and texting. 
Hmmm. Are you sure you should be doing that? 
Yes. Because I'm a textpert. An expert at texting. Rejecting the notion that you think I'll be wrecking. Due to the fact that I'm distracted? 
I multi-task best behind the wheel when I get textually active.  
You should keep both eyes on the road, sir. For real.  
You look down, look up and end up in the trunk of another automobile. 
Leave it to a pro. Be incommunicado. Until you get to where you need to go. This conversation's O. Ver. 
No it isn't. 
Yes it is. 
No it isn't. 'Cause I'm a textpert. An expert at texting. Pressing my keypad when my car's not resting.  
I can divide my attention up. I've got so much attention I've got an eleven-tion. 
With one eye on the road, one eye on my phone. I texted in this drive-thru order for my latte and scone. Thank you. Now I'm gonna text-n-eat-n-sip-n-dip and shift it in to D and then chin-drive home.  
I'm a textpert. A texting traveler who doesn't need a chauffeur-feur-feur-feur-feur. 
I'm a textpert. Don't worry, nobody's gonna get hurt-hurt-hurt-hurt-hurt. 
Sometimes I text both sides of a conversation 'cause it's tough to keep up with my text-ual pacing. On rare occasion when I've got nothing to text about, I text myself reminds of what I'm doing now. 
I carry on more concurrent conversations than one phone alone is prone to accept. So I've tested and perfected my patented method: the second handset hands-free toe text. 
I ride with my Swedish masseuse. She give me deep tissue thumb shiatsu.  
My yogi shows me hand yoga poses like downward facing pinky and thumb lotus. 
I'll never stoop so low as to text photos. Instead I text the correct combo of ones and zeroes.  
I'm an artiste. Using ASCII. I just texted this toad to an art gallery.  
I text more than the next bored pre-pubescent tween. In fact, I've text-induced my own second puberty. 
How does that work exactly? 
Everything that happened before is happening some more. That's all I'm comfortable sharing at this time.  
I gave a lift to a drifter and texted his estranged sister. And now I'm hostin' 'em here for dinner.  
Well did I mention I'm a text-itrician? A next-gen OB/GYN, a Lamaze text-nician. 
Well, I'm the next Dr. Phil of SMS. 
I'm poppin' out babies with the power of text.  
I'm a textpert. A texting traveler who doesn't need a chauffeur-feur-feur-feur-feur. 
By the way, where're you headed, son? 
Headed West on 421. 
421? 
Uh-huh. 
West? 
Yes. You? 
Me? I'm headed... 
Thanks for watching and subscribing to our channel, Rhett & Link. 
And thanks for downloading this song on iTunes.  
Make sure you subscribe to everybody who made a cameo in this video, including: FunForLouis, HunanPenguin, SteveKardynal, iJustine, OlgaKay. And thanks for checking out our daily show, Good Mythical Morning. We're gonna start clapping, yeah. We did it.

Written Text

Hey. 
Whatchu doin'? 
Driving. Whatchu doin'? 
Driving and texting. 
Hmmm. 
Are you sure you should be doing that? 
Yes. Because... 
yer mom thinks i'm texty 
This conversation's o. Ver. 
No it isn't. 
Yes it is. 
No it isn't. 
 
NOTE TO SELF: 
I'm texting and driving and rapping. 
vnfcveltwtyqerivo 
aeldmbecscvemnv 
lkwfootmwerlknsc 
I found your brother on Chatroulette. 
Breathe. 
Breathe. 
Push. 
Push. 
Push. 
Push. 
Push. 
By the way. Where you headed son? 
Headed West on 421. 
421? 
Uh-huh. 
West? 
Yes. You? 
Me? 
If you're texting, you're not driving. 
Special thanks to NHTSA 
RhettAndLink 
FunForLouis 
HunanPenguin 
SteveKardynal 
iJustine 
OlgaKay 
GMM 
Rhett & Link

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Dates: - May 2015
This Television Commercial refers to NHTSA and Rhett & Link Commercial

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