It's time for a change -- which is why, in 2016, you should vote for Monsanto for President.
"Monsanto for President"
Voiceover, Dialog, Spoken Text, Script, or Lyrics
The stakes have never been higher. It's not just nuclear annihilation we have to worry about these days, but climate change, natural disasters, people marching for things and Godless liberals. But there's hope. Hi. We're Montsanto. You know all those wonderful things we've done to your food?
Shh. Shh, shh. shh. Well, we're about to do the same thing to you, America, by announcing our candidacy for President of these United States.
But Montsanto, you're a corporation. How can you run for President?
Well, citizen, thanks to recent Supreme Court decisions, guaranteeing corporations the same rights as people, our team of lawyers - who we genetically engineered to never stop working - have determined that we can actually do this. And we believe them. Because we've also made it so they bleed when they lie. To us.
But why should we vote for you, Montsanto?
Because corporations aren't just people, we're better than people. And at Montsanto, we won't have any of the pesky problems plaguing your more fleshy Presidents. Congressional gridlock? Zam! We bought 'em all. Unconstitutional use of power? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. What's a Constitution?
I'm definitely voting for Montsanto, because, help me! They won't let me leave! Somebody call the pol...
Patience department because I can't wait for Montsanto to be our President.
So when you go to those polls in 2016, vote Montsanto. We literally have an unlimited amount of money to spend on this and we can turn vegetables into monsters. There's just nothing you can do to stop our inevitable ascent to power.
Do what it says.
And remember, you're not just voting in Montsanto, you're also voting for our Vice-President, Exxon Mobile.
Because f*ck you, America!
Montsanto For President
Isn't the future wonderful?