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"How to Poop on a Date -"

Voiceover, Dialog, Spoken Text, Script, or Lyrics

You're finally back at her place for a little brown chicken brown cow, when you get hit with love potion number two.  
Oh, are you OK? 
You skip to the loo before that keister kangaroo jumps out of its pouch. Now, what do you do? 
Oh, um. Hurry up! Come on! Come on, I'm on a date! This isn't happening right now.  
You let that ba-donk-a-donk honk-a-honk and strike a match in the hopes you won't strike out.  
Ah! No no! 
But alas, your chance at date number 2 just went up in flames.  
Are you OK? 
You have insurance? Just...just wondering. 
It kinda smells like burnt air and blue cheese. 
I got it! 
Are you positive? 
Don't worry about it! 
Are you sure you're OK? You there? 
You drop trou and give it your all like it's a one shite stand.  
I'm gonna be single forever. Oh, no, no, no...Uh, oh!  
You fill the air with fragrance to keep your craps under wraps. 
Oh, man. 
But instead you come out smelling like... 
Did you spray my perfume? And poo - poop? Not even on my worst day would this be OK. Not even in my most desperate times. I shaved my entire body for this night. Hard no, hard pass, I need you to go. No, not happening, bro. You've gotta go.I'm out. Done. Like, grandma's been dead for four years, and bud, you smell worse than her. Oh, that's gonna take a while to leave.  
Before your caboose lets loose, you spritz the bowl with Poo-Pourri. So your stool plays it cool.  
I smell so good right now. You did it. You did it. You did it! Woo! Yes! Flush down! 
All she'll be able to smell is a sexy blend of natural essential oils. 
Yes! Meow! Yes! 
Control the Shituation with Poo-Pourri, the before you go toilet spray that creates a film on the water's surface that actually traps the odor before it ever begins. If your poo stinks, click here to get your Poo-Pourri today at  
Poo-Pourri. Take a dump without getting dumped.

Written Text

light a match 
spray her perfume 
use Poo-Pourri 
Unconditional Stink Free Guarantee

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