"How to Poop at a Party -"

Voiceover, Dialog, Spoken Text, Script, or Lyrics

You're finally meeting his family of eight over a home cooked meal big enough for 30 - when you need to bake a keister casserole.  
Hi, um, where is the restroom? 
Uh, it's right behind you.  
Right behind me? Oh, that is convenient! 
Now what do you do? 
Oh, guys, come on. He's really hot. Most of the time ? I need you, help me out. 
Oh my gosh. What did I do? What did I eat? Oh no!  
After you answer Mother Nature's booty call, you fill the air with synthetic citrus, hoping the scent of last night's burrito won't follow you back to the table.  
Ohh! That was a bad choice. They're going to know my secrets! And they're gonna hate me. And I'm never gonna find love. Maybe more, maybe more, oh, maybe more. Oh, come on. Come on. And everyone's gonna be married with kids and I'm going to be a lone lady with cats!  
Smells like diaper gravy! 
Smells like's got some fruit notes. Is it shitrus? 
I can taste it!  
It's atomic! 
It's, it's stinging. 
We need to go! 
It's stinging! It's ... it's burning. 
I can see it. 
My eyes. It's in my eyes.  
She ruined my dinner! 
Oh, this is really important. I better take this. Excuse me. 
You tuck that turtle head back in its shell and toot, scoot and boogie to the backyard. You pop a squat and push it. P--p-push it real good. And just when you think you've gotten away with your rectal ruse,  
Please, please. I won't tell if you don't tell. 
No deal! 
Why? Why can't you be a nice grandma that bakes pies and knits sweaters? 
Please excuse me.  
Before you pass the chocolate delights, you spritz the bowl with Poo-Pourri. 
Nice. Woo! Mmm, yeah! That was a good one, but it smells good, too. You did so good. I just pooped and it smells fabulous! Yeah! Bring it down! Bring it down! Downtown, I did, right? 
All they'll be able to smell is an appetizing blend of natural essential oils.  
Ooh, that's heavenly.  
I don't remember putting a lemon meringue pie in the oven.  
Whatever that smell is, I want to eat it. Right now. With my mouth.  
It smells like sunshine! 
And Froot Loops! 
Very nice blend. 
Marry this one, man! I mean, she poops pies. Am I right? 
Just like me. 
Yeah, just like you. 
Winner winner burrito dinner. Control the shituation with Poo-Pourri - the before you go toilet spray that creates a film on the water's surface that actually traps odor before it begins. If your poo stinks, click here to get your Poo-Pourri today at 
Poo-Pourri. When the glasses clink, don't ruin the party with a stink.

Written Text

spray aerosol 
go in the bushes 
use Poo-Pourri 
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