This commercial begins with a man dog-sitting a tiny dog for his grandmother. She has written up some rules for him that includes the warning not to play "fetch" with him. He starts reading a parody version of Maxim magazine which has a picture of a bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos on the cover, so after reading the rules, he jokingly tells the dog to fetch him some Doritos. The dog instantly zips away and returns with a single chip. This worked well, so he asks specifically for a full bag of Doritos and just as quickly the dog fetches the bag of chips. The man looks back at his magazine which has a beautiful woman on the cover, so he says, fetch me a bare... naked, but the dog leaves as soon as he hears "bare" and returns with a bear which then chases the man around the house.

Voiceover, Dialog, Spoken Text, Script, or Lyrics

Do not play fetch. Thanks grandma. Why don't you fetch me some Doritos. Fetch me a bag full of Doritos.

Written Text

Rules for Dogsitting Goliath 
* FOR ANY REASON! He will fetch whatever you ask for 
2. FEED him once in morning and once 
Warning do not eat the pages! Made of pure testosterone 
25 best ways to fight off bears 
She's back - not by choice, she forgot her keys 
How to get 
How to make beer that turns you into 
How to get rid of stalkers without using a shotgun & shovel 
Tricks to get her out of that suit without her calling the shots 
New Doritos 
Doritos Nacho Cheese 
Reading this declines your chances of getting laid

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