Puttin' on the Ritz
written by Irving Berlin

A visit to Brown University (Brian's alma mater) shows that Meg does not have enough extracurricular activities to be admitted, so Meg decides to write for her high school's paper. Meg's first story is an interview with Mayor West and his money-wasting investigation on water "theft". Mayor West shows Meg how the drain to his sink and his potted plants are stealing his water. Peter doesn't think that story will grab attention, so he replaces it with a story claiming Luke Perry is gay. When Perry reads this article, he files a lawsuit against the Griffins for libel. Meg is deeply upset, but Peter, feeling responsible, promises to make it up to her. Trying to get Meg out of the suit, Peter tries to stage a photo of Perry acting gay through seduction, thus making the article seem valid, but Perry doesn't respond to his sexual antics (other than throwing up at the point of seeing Peter's buttocks). He finally confesses to Perry about what he did, who decides to drop all charges with the condition that Meg gets to interview him for a new article. Later, Peter gives Perry a copy of the revised article. Perry rushes back to bed with Mayor West who says he will have sex with Perry only if he would stop stealing his water. Perry agrees, although he has no idea what Mayor West is talking about. Meanwhile, frustrated with his short size, Stewie puts a mind control device on Chris to make him do his bidding, especially trying to kill Lois. The plan backfires when the device is shorted out by the microwave oven, causing Chris to turn on Stewie, though Stewie manages to evade him.